The Christmas blog should be the 100th one, right?

Merry Christmas guys and gals. I love all of you so here is a sorta gift. It should
make you laugh

The bitter truth

There is a bitter subject in me my friends, it's been in me a long time. This is mostly because it's a subject most people take personal. It's religion. Now to start out I must say for the most part I'm athesist, I'm not crazy like you're led to believe athesist are. Even if some are, there also crazy religious people. Crazy isn't a specific picking thing, it pretty much spreads over everything and everyone. Growing up my family never went to church. It was just something we didn't do. I really knew nothing about religion until I was in school and even then it didn't mean much to me. Probably because it was nothing I knew about. I had never been in a church until some neigbhors we had decided to take me in as a special project because I was young and they had cool stuff around like wooden dinosaur replicas. I thought there were awesome. But in this process was a deal, they would show me this cool stuff if I went to this church craft making thing with them, of course I went cause I like dinos and wanted to mess with the ones they had. But after the church experience and seeing the dinos I never went back. Being a kid of six I got what I wanted and ran. I guess by today's standards these neighors could have been so much more suspicious, like something you'd see on CSI with missing kids and all but that has nothing to do with this. It wasn't until many years and cities later that religion reentered my life. It was after my parents divorced and my dad being the asshole he is started going to church to try and look like the great father to single women and look like the great tenent to his landlords, which still drag his ass around to this day. I guess this reappearence and divorce really made me see both who my dad was and what religion could really be. He used it to his own advantage. But really he wasn't the only one, a large percent of these people who went there only seem to be there to look better. After awhile when it stopped working for him so much he stop going and he went on being himself. If you can't tell from the times I talk about it I don't like my dad because of who he is. Before this year I didn't talk to him for about three years because of him in jail and I wanted nothing to do with him. Those years were good ones for me. I graduated, lived on my own, had friends and odd experences. Life was good. Then I started looking for jobs and then the religion reentered again in the form of a beautiful girl, well actually a couple. The girls both being very religious people kinda left me in the cold, but didn't keep me from trying and in the end failing. The jobs were few and actually not going to church or holding a religious background kept me from getting a job. I, while not completely sure, think that this lack of religion kept me from getting closer with either of them. Either that or just who I am as a person. I while part of the person I play on here am somewhat a shell of a man from this past year. I mean who wouldn't be after surviving a tornado, having my whole world turned upside down, going from being very on my own to living at home again not being able to find a job or have a car and having most of the people that were in my life disappear. I don't blame anything for all of this, it just is bad timing mixed with everything else. Though it is not a bad thing this happen, this mass cut tie with people showed me who are true people. A more karma like thing. Though the funniest thing now, it really bothered me when it happen, was the fact people were saying they had prayed for me. It's funny now because well my stand point with religion. Then not so much because I was very bitter with the idea of religion and god. Why take all these people, who are good people and toss them to shit? Why take these peoples lives and make them into commercials for your so called awesome weather radar? Why were there other people who only wanted to get in contact with me just because they wanted to use me as a story to make themselves better, while not caring what happen to all these people? But before tornado days and moving were my life I went with a then friend to Utah. Which before I start I will say don't really do unless you are some kind of religious person. It'll make your life so much easier. See going out there with this friend I was pretty much lied to about everything. I was told that everything would be easy no matter who you are, people are nice there and so on. It ended up being so much different, I felt like I walked around with signs on my back that screamed "sinner" and "athesist" when I walked around. The people I stayed with pretty much made my life a hell because I stood for what I believed in. Trying many times to try and drag me to church telling me it would make me feel good. And I lived like this for three months until I found a way home. It was really being out there that made me see that religion is what people use to make themselves look good to fellow people. At least that's what it is to me. I don't mean to offend you in any way this is just how I feel about it. I, in the times I had been in churches and shown religion never felt any different than I do any other day. If it works for you good. Though it leaves me worries, religion that is, not you. Because being a thing so many people hold close it continues to leave me in the cold. I want to find a girl, like so many others and do that whole life thing but it makes it harder with this strike to many already against me. Being as it happen once and will probably happen again. The only thing I can do is stand strong to what I believe and that's about it. I've seen how religion effects people, or more so how people effect it and how it's used in wrong ways. I stand to stay away from it.

The Failures Decree

I haven't posted much here lately because well there's nothing new to really talk about. I'm sorry to anyone who might have ever checked this blog out, though I doubt there were many. Thank you for your readership. In this next year I'm going to try and spice up this dead life again. So I guess I'll talk to you then, or when the next coolest YouTube comes around.

Hey

Formspring

Ask me questions, I'll answer anything.

formspring.me

What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?

Lotion, I broke my arm a few years ago and while drugged up on pain meds I ate some for some reason.

Ask me anything

Welcome December

This is the last remaining part of the first guitar I ever bought. It's hard to really see but those pinks and yellows are actually dolphin stickers.

Before I start this ramble I must say that this picture only relates to what I'm going to say just a little. For a time really unknown to me, probably since the word was first processed in my brain I have always been one to constantly look for updates. Whether it be in an app on my iPod, which I check about every hour for some reason when they actually update once in a great while. To the iPod firmware, to iTunes, every single day I look for a update on my Wii, every 5 seconds I hope for updates or new posts on Tumblr and Facebook and Absolutepunk.net. I don't know why I am always looking for new updates but I sometimes feel like I need them. I want to know what you're going to say or post or think next. I want in your head in the most beautiful way. I'm always waiting. I'm shaky, impatient and willing. I think this need for something new is why I am obsessed with Tumblr, there is always something new here and there are alot of people. It's like getting a sneak preview in someones head, I see what you think and what you like. I guess I'm always looking for someone somewhat like me because for the longest time I felt alone. People thought my hobbies were useless, thought my ideas where crazy. They just didn't get it and then I met a person who could more or less see the same thing as me in a way. Either on the other side of a computer screen or in person my and this person have been friends about 3 or so years. She is the one I run to when I get crazy in the head or need to explain something weird or fucked up. And she comes to me for well pretty much the same thing. I guess we try to keep each other updated on one another alot. For a part of me this updating works but there is still a part of me that wants to be completely fascinated with someone and know everything about them all the time and I kind of want the person to be the same way about me. You know? Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. But dammit I want that update.

A Dream.

I feel like I dreamt a whole movie in my head last night. All I really remember was I was with this guy and we were kind of runaways that somehow ended up in a school and they were making me give a presentation on what was going on or I’d be arrested or something and they all loved it. At least my movie has a good ending. And the last thing I say before I wake up is “Gallagher is an asshole” and then some song I’ve never heard started playing.

Ps. Gallagher is the comedian who smashes water mellons as part of his gig. So in a true way he's probabaly an asshole.

22

Wow I just fully realize my birthday is next weekend. I feel really old for not really being old. Time really goes fast when you sleep in.

Bought A Bride